This is Me (A true look, early 2013)

Some late nights or rather early mornings (if you want to be more technical about it) I lay in my bed and take it all in. A feeling of true loneliness strikes me and consumes my soul. Sometimes I just sit up in my bed and shed a tear or two because of how lonely I do get at times. Other times it’s because of the stress that builds up and the never endingĀ  pile of work up on my desk waiting for me and only me when I roll out of bed to be dealt with. Everyday a huge part of me wants to just give up and side with the nay-Sayers, the haters, the whatever you want to call people that have never been there to support me from the start. And then it dawns on me………

Something deep inside of me that has made appearances countless times in my life takes over. A feeling of inner knowing, a feeling that is stronger than doubt and despair. It’s the very essence in me that no matter how tired I am, no matter how many hours I have not slept for, makes me get out of bed and begin refocusing my energy into creating the things I want in my life.

So yes I feel lonely often. I have no girlfriend to share some of the awesome things I am doing. A lot of my best friends are very busy like me, leaving little time to truly hangout. I have little time myself to enjoy things I’d like to due to my long workdays. Yet in all honesty, I wouldn’t trade this moment in my life for anything other than how it is playing out. I am so grateful and proud of how much I have done up to this point in my life that no matter how many times I shed tears, times get difficult, things don’t go the way I want them to and so on; I accept it all and move on.

I’ve built out something unique with Hooked on Hockey Magazine (HOHM). It’s my baby and with it I have created a second family for myself; a team of contributors and leadership that reflect a big part of me and my life. I take on the responsibility daily to carry this family of mine on my shoulders into bigger and better things. Like any leader, my family always comes as one of the first and most important things to me. However, I too cannot neglect personal time for myself. Since the start of 2013, I have been meditating more and reaching deeper and deeper into my soul to discover what I am truly capable of.

I have played some of the best games of hockey and not to mention had the most fun while doing so. I have made friendships that are crucial in my life that much stronger while also eliminating the ones that were toxic to me. I have transformed my body into the best shape it has ever been in not only from good exercise but with a diet filled of putting in good clean foods into me to fuel my flame inside. I have learned how to love myself, something that held me back from my previous relationships in ever going to that next stage (and I know that whenever I do make time for my next one, it will be filled with every true ounce of my heart and love to carry it forward). All in all I have learned that I cannot and will not get in my own way; Instead I will only push myself to the next level and celebrate the progress along the journey.

So sometimes the road ahead of me looks unclear. Many times it would be easier to just give up and be ordinary. I could go on and blame others or point my finger at things that are keeping me from reaching that next stage. No matter what excuses I could come up with, I DON’T. I’m in the driver’s seat of my life now and it’s up to me to take the right path in getting to where I want to be. I remind myself daily of the amazing people I have been privileged to work with, meet, share a moment of my life path with, and so on. Life will never be “easy” and the same goes for anything I do because if it was then why do it in the first place? What satisfaction would I get then? I excel when I’m challenged to be at my best, to give it my all, and to to only want MORE. What I’m saying is that no matter how many bad days (or difficult days) I have, I don’t let it get to me. I wake up knowing that I’m on a roller-coaster and there will be ups and downs along the way. So what do I do? I strap myself in and enjoy the ride for what it’s worth and appreciate every single moment of it.

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